Today ended up as a sort of "me" day- granted, I went to classes and really accomplished quite a lot, but for some reason I've had the time to take it slow and make myself happy along the way. My room is now clean, my bed is made, I finished up a book I started the other night, and I wandered to Whole Foods for some juice and chocolate, all of which were excellent ways to balance out the sheer boredom of classes and schoolwork.

All right, so it's not all boring; in fact, I'm completely fascinated by Psychological Disorders. I practically devour the material in that class, and stay at rapt attention throughout the hour and a half long lectures. I haven't been this deeply enamoured with any other class I've taken, and I'm not entirely sure why. It could simply be the nature of material- people have always been drawn to the idea of 'madness'. The line separating the 'sane' from the 'insane' is sometimes very fine and arbitrary, and I think that a lot of people take pleasure in toeing that dangerous line, getting a glimpse at the romanticized notion of the "dark side" of human nature.

Class material is taught, however, in such a way as to REDUCE romanticization of 'madness'. Psychological disorders are baffling and certainly no picnic to suffer from, and Jaine (the prof, and my advisor) certainly makes that clear in her lectures. In fact, it may be her teaching itself that I am so attracted by: She is absolutely nothing short of a goddess. Each lecture is painstakingly prepared, complete with videos, transparencies, slides, and her own case stories from her years in private practice. She has incredible illustrative abilities, such that the illnesses we talk about are not just psychological phenomena, but full societal entities.

Schizophrenia, for instance, became more than just an encapsulated illness to be diagnosed, drugged, and put out of sight. It is a complex organism with ties to family, societal, physiological, and psychological structures, and does not have simple and autonomous solutions. Community mental health systems, various treatment settings and, for heaven's sake, legislative policy, are all issues surrounding this one disorder. I can't help but be fascinated by all the different, but undeniably connected, theories on psychological disorders... it is simply mind-boggling to think about; each day in class I fill at least a page with my own questions, theories, and observations.

It's reassuring that I'm finally taking a real and passionate interest in a topic I'm studying, not to mention the fact that it reinforces quite well my decision to be a psychology major. I've been so indecisive for so long about my major that I'm glad to be actually settling into a department, an advisor, a course of learning that is more than just haphazard.

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